What Grief Does To The Body After Loss | Victoria Volk on Alison Answers Podcast Pt.2

Victoria Volk went from a lifetime of “healthy positivity” and people‑pleasing to realizing she was carrying deep, unprocessed grief, emotional neglect, and unresolved relationships trapped in her body and energy field.

In this episode, you’ll see how childhood loss, emotional hunger, and years of over‑functioning shaped her life and how her grief‑recovery method “Do Grief Differently,” Human Design, and biofield tuning helped her finally drop the “backpack of rocks” she’d been carrying.

You’ll learn how to stop confusing constant movement with strength, why people‑pleasing and perfectionism often hide unfinished grief, and how the same emotional themes keep showing up in love, work, and identity until you finally face them.

Watch this if:
👉 You feel spiritually or emotionally “blocked” under your sternum (solar plexus) despite your success
👉 You keep repeating the same relationship patterns or feel unseen in your wisdom
👉 You struggle with approval, loneliness, or people‑pleasing without knowing why
👉 You experience grief from sudden loss, suicide, divorce, or emotional neglect
👉 You want to understand how your childhood losses shape your adult energy, boundaries, and healing

You’ll walk away with:
✅ A clearer understanding of how childhood and emotional loss shape adult relationships and energy
✅ A practical way to map your history of loss and find the core relationships that hold your pain
✅ Insight into how Projectors and other Human Design types are built to heal, not to hustle
✅ A new perspective on forgiveness that doesn’t require confrontation with the other person
✅ Tools to notice how your body and energy field respond to grief, energetic work, and service
✅ A deeper sense that there is nothing to fix

Connect with Alison:

• Instagram: @alisonanswers | @lagercounseling
• Website: LagerCounseling.com
• YouTube: Alison Answers
• Facebook: Alison Lager Lcsw Casac
• Purchase Alison’s book: “The Wake Up Call”
• Alison Answers Facebook Group: Join HERE
• Women of Excellence FB group: Join HERE

⚠️ Crisis Resources:
Lager Counseling Services
Call: 516-221-2123
Text: (914) 363-0381
Wantagh: 3408 Park Ave. Wantagh, NY 11793

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (24/7, free, confidential)
Call or text 988 | Visit 988lifeline.org

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

And I don't care if you think you had the best relationship or best parent, there are still things that we can enshrine people. That's not balanced, and that's not true or accurate, and that's not honest either.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

My guest today is Victoria Volk. She is the owner of the Unleashed Heart and is an advanced certified grief recovery specialist. Victoria offers holistic support for those who want to go from surviving to thriving.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

The backpack of rocks that we carry, the more we are able to recognize those gifts, that we are here to serve a purpose, that we do have a purpose.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Most people feel like they have something that's wrong with them and they need to fix it. And when they're feeling out of sorts or whatever, my first thought is what's wrong with you?

SPEAKER_02 0:44

The fastest way we get out of our own bubble of what is happening in our own lives with ourselves is we help someone else. I could die tomorrow, and the biggest accomplishment I feel I've I have now is.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Tuning forks, I think you said. And then, but like if you were to describe without obviously giving the whole thing away, but like what is the rec the grief recovery that you recommend, like that you do with people?

SPEAKER_02 1:30

Yeah. So it's an evidence-based action-based program for resolving grief. So in my I so it's I call it do grief differently. And typically people that go not all specialists do this, but I want people to work through two relationships to get a really good handle of the method itself so that they then can apply it to those intangible losses and continue to do the work on working on other relationships in their lives, right? Whether it be their spouse, their friend, their manager, co-workers, whatever. Um, we're in relationship with people. People people suck sometimes. People, um, you know, unhealed people can really really can really suck, right? Hurt people, hurt people, right? And so life is gonna and life is gonna life. It's it's inevitable. So to have these this tool, that's why I say it's the gift that keeps on giving, because um, once you have these tools, you have it for life. You can apply to the city.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

So you take two relationships, like meaning of a like um a loss. Is that what you mean? A lost relationship.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Yeah, they don't even have to be deceased, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:39

But just like it's fragmented or there's some like right.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

So what happens is we we you we look at your entire life of loss. Wow, and you can often connect so many I know, and and when people see it in black and white, it's like unreal.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

I think I'd have to go away for like a month. I've actually thought of doing it.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

And when you like put it down and or when you start doing this work, it's like I completely forgot about that. Like I I completely forgot about that. Like, actually, I just had something come up not that long ago. It's like I completely totally forgot about that loss. Like, I could just totally forgot about it, and it's not like you forget, right? The body doesn't forget, right? Um, so it really is like just layer by layer. It's and it can feel what's the word? Arduous? Is that the word?

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Arduous, bigger than that. How about can I I was I've I've been trying not to curse, but fucking arduous.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

When I think about you just mentioned that, right? And what I thought, because I will go with I'll go through with people like um being able to forgive and canceling the debt that they have with someone. So, like, for example, that what I think of is like, you know, a loss is not having your mom pay attention or look you in the eye. You know, that's a loss right there. When you were talking about like this exhaustive list of losses, these are the things I'm thinking about. Somebody, you know, being late to school every day and like not losing being on time and organized because there's no one there to get you there, you know, you know, having dirty clothes on your way to school and feeling ashamed, right? Just like there's so like to me, I don't even I don't even know what would be left of me, Victoria, if I did it. That's just and I've worked through so many things, but I think if I put it all in one thing, like tell me about it because I swear I think it's worth it. Like, so worth it.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

And I tell you what, um, once you look at it all, yeah, there's probably a few relationships that if you worked on those relationships, they tie together.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Yes. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

Like one fell swoop, you can like work through so much. Typically, it is with our parents. Oh yeah. Typically, I mean that I mean, I I I've encouraged, I think I don't tell people what relationships to work on, but I I I just fully wholeheartedly believe that our stories begin in childhood, and that's where we need to begin in our sure. Yeah, so I always recommend to start with your parents. Those are the first two relationships to work on. And and I don't care if you think you had the best relationship or best parent ever. Yeah, there are still things that no one's perfect, and that's the thing, like we can we can enshrine people.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

That's for sure.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

That's not balanced.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Yeah, no, it's not. I know what you're doing.

SPEAKER_02 5:53

And that's not true or accurate, and that's not honest either.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Yeah, can I ask you a question? Oh, I'm sorry. I if you want to say more, I don't want to interrupt.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

No, I I I I know people who just think so highly of a parent, right? And it's like, I know they're and but I also hear like all this stuff that they went through as a kid.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Yeah, it's unreal.

SPEAKER_02 6:15

Yeah, and yet they're not yes, how do you they're not reconciling that? Yeah, and it's not to um criticize or analyze or judge the parent. Yeah, it's to get honest with yourself about the feelings that you had at the time.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Yeah, what actually yes, what you actually felt and experienced. Yes, yeah. I mean, we have people who come in here and we will ask, like, about was there any abuse or anything like that? And there'll be people who will say, Oh, yeah, you know, I got the shit beat out of me, but I deserved it. I'm like, No, you didn't. Like it just, like it's just, and they believe, you know, my dad was a good man, right? He punched me in the face when I was five years old, but you know, I was a wild kid, you know. I mean, we it's just make we minimize, yeah. So let me ask you this. So I'm I I feel like when somebody comes on this podcast, what I have found is that it is always a divine appointment. It is it is really rarely, well, there's been some that are not all, but um it's amazing to me how you're here now. So, because we have we missed one because I think it was in me, but I think it's just perfect. So this is a lot of what I'm working on. I've been working on um um what is it called now? The anatomy of awakening. So it's about like the sh the um the the energy from 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, and then going through your whole body. And since I've been doing it now, and I'm gonna do a disclaimer because I know a lot of people who listen to this are also Christians. So I just want to point out that I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ, I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. I also believe that God Almighty created all the science around us that everybody's ignoring, which is missing the intricate, unbelievable value of the magnificence of God. So I'm not gonna ignore that and I don't lose sight of who my God is. So I just want to give it a little, I want a little disclaimer because I don't want I'm not, I don't want any haters on here. Stop it. I'm just saying, just don't. Okay, stop. Isaiah, grace. We got here I am, send me. Look at that. Uh let go and let God. I got every freaking, yes, here I am, send me. Yes, okay. There's your scriptures. Let's get back to what we're talking about. So, right here in my, you can't say, I'm gonna show in my solar plexus. Oh, I didn't mean to show that much, but in my solar plexus, right? There is, it used to hurt all the time. Now, all of a sudden, since I started doing this work, now all of a sudden, my solar plexus, it hurts all the time. I feel it, it's the angst. I feel it almost like it's barnacles inside that love needs to go in and clean up. Like, like I have to go in and create awareness and energy in there to help myself feel better. And also, I do believe I'm I'm like I'm bearing it all on this podcast. I don't know why, but basically, this my husband died five years ago, and now I have some diagnoses that I am so I'm I work out, I eat well, I eat organic food, like I take good care of myself, and I am certain that this is a lifelong, not just my husband's death, but it's a lifelong experience of being positive because I really feel positive. And I think a lot of people do this, and I'm like type A personality, and I get up and I go no matter what. And I think that I have ignored a many, many parts of my body that have like sectioned off pain in my like my energy is blocked. I believe it. So I don't think it's a coincidence that we're here because this is I'm like, okay, here we go again. I gotta flood out this body of all the pain it's in. But I don't know. I just love for you to speak about this and like what would you what would you say about like our body? Like in my in like that's you know, three, one, two, three, like the energy center three. What would you say?

SPEAKER_02 10:38

So the solar plexus depends. So the right side, let me make sure I'm oh I'm dying again. I don't want to I don't want to say this wrong. So like there is a right side and the left side, right? The right is the masculine and the feminine, right? Right? Masculine, feminine, m on the left side. So in an energy healing session, we determine which side it is, right? So things can come up that are ancestral, things can come up that are uh are within us, right? Are within our timeline or within our bodies, um, that are where things are choosing to uh kind of place themselves. This energy is where it's kind of static and stuck. Not we don't even like to use the word stuck. It's like it's like like disorganized. Yeah, it's like if you think of your energy and it's like like a ball of yarn, right? Yeah, it there's a there's a it's like a nice ball of yarn has a certain pattern, it's right, it's continuous, right? But if you take this yarn and you just unravel it and then you just clump it together, yeah, it's like that energy is it's like it can't flow. Yes, it can't flow. So it's static, it's kind of entangled, right? So what the tuning forks do, it's like when you tune a piano, right? If that's the best way I can describe it, it's like why, it's like why when you listen to certain frequencies of music, it does something on a cellular level.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

It does.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

This is the same, this is similar. It's like we're we're literally like the tuning forks are tuning we're tuning you like we would tune a piano, like they're used to tune a piano. So it's to match the frequency of the tuning fork, it's to bring that coherence back. So the solar plexus, like you mentioned, right? Or you just say solar plexus, or did you um yeah, my solar plexus?

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Um that's your power. That's that's so it could be relationship with one's father if it's on the right side, so anger, or if it's with the mother, it's feeling powerless.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

Yeah, interesting because it's almost feels like it's on the top, like the top of it. Maybe it would be more left. Well, if it's your belly button, that's that's not my belly button, it's like way above under my my sternum, like right under my yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

That is your self-esteem, it's goal setting, it's achievement. Have you felt stalled or stuck in those aspects of your life?

SPEAKER_01 13:14

I am constantly driving toward my goals. I am like, I'm here now. Okay, I got here. I don't even care. Let's go. What's next? This is my life. I just love to grow and move. I hate being still. I don't hate being still.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Let me you say right, but you said you said it. I'll I'll just reflect back what I heard you say at one point. Silence is deafening.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Yeah, it screams.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

It screams.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

So it's like energetically, even subc could be subconscious, right? You might not even be conscious of it. Yeah, it's that it when there when there's perpetual movement, like constantly going. First of all, you could be because I'm into I'm into human design as well.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Oh yes, I love it. Do you know what I am? Are you an MG? No, wait, I'm a um, wait, wait, wait. What is it called?

SPEAKER_02 14:09

You're gonna say I don't what's an MG manifesting generator or no?

SPEAKER_01 14:14

I am a um, you're not gonna believe what I am. I can't believe I can't think of it. Wait, hold on. Projector, um I'm a projector. Projector, wait, yeah. Two four bingo.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

Bingo, there is your answer because I see things and I can't get it to people. Projectors are not meant to act like generators and manifesting generators to go, go, go, go, go. That's not what you're meant to do. You need a lot rest. The pause, that's where you're that's that's the sweet, that's what but how come like a projector?

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Like I'm I think I'm two four, you know, like project two four. Two is the hermit. Yes, that's what I am. Two four. But that's why I'm always like, I'm so like everybody think I'm so I love people, I love to talk and chat and do all this stuff, but then I have to be alone. I don't like being interrupted.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

But a projector also needs to wait for the invitation. Yes, I need to be invited, and they don't have the consistent energy to go, go, go, go, go.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

How come I do though? It's false. I hate laying around. Maybe it's an inner stillness. Okay, we didn't realize this was gonna be all about me. I did not plan this at all. Well, I love human design.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

I've been in my own experiment for like six years, and I'm a four-six emotional manifester.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

I would have thought a million years I was a manifester. We're not gonna be able to do that. I manifest shit all the time.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

I that has nothing to do with it.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

It's not about manifesting I'm a projector seer. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Okay. Well, manifestor though is like like we get bursts of like we have we're very cyclic people. Like, yeah, we don't like we get bursts of energy and we have to follow our creative urges. That's what gives us energy in life. Um, and then we need it's like it's like I can go for like two weeks, boom, boom, boom, getting really I'm really productive and get a lot done. And then it's like then I crash for like three weeks, you know. I don't have the consistent energy. Projectors do not either. There's they're not we're non-sacrales, we don't operate like the rest of the world, and projectors are even more rare than a manifestor. Manifestors make up about nine percent of the population. Uh projectors make up, I think, four, three or four percent. And then the reflectors are the rarest, they're like one percent.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

You know what it said that I read is that it's um that I'm here to see things, but maybe other people wouldn't see them, which I could uh resonates with me, and that the frustration is that I cannot I can't warn or tell people, I have to be invited to tell, you know, I have to be invited to share that. I'm uh that's why I'm shouting from the rooftops, everything that I see.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

But I'm not you know, yeah, but we can look at invitations differently, right? Like if if someone's calling you, that's an invitation to have a conversation, right? Yeah, if you're guesting on a podcast, that's an invitation.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

It is true, you know.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

So it's it's looking at well, how do these invitations show up, or how can I get myself in rooms to receive more invitations?

SPEAKER_01 17:52

I don't even want the invitations because I'm a hermit. I can't believe we're talking about me. This is crazy. I forgot we're on a podcast. This is so sick, but I love it anyhow. This is so good. So okay, so all right, me too. Okay, so everything. So, like, okay, I just want to make sure I talk about what you do. Well, but you do everything, okay. So, how would we explain to people? Because we also want to okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna segue a little bit into something that I just wanted to make sure we talked about. The, but I'm dying to talk about the other stuff. Okay, I want to talk so for people who would you say that people who are grieving the loss of someone who died by suicide, that there's um you were describing, you know, that it's like a different, like you're doing grief differently. Do you see that as like a different kind of thing? Because you don't have the opportunity with a longer death or knowing something's coming, or I guess also a sudden death, but like to to really even understand why or all of that. I know for me it's the you're always wondering. There's always the questions are always, I think they're vibrating in your body. I would say that possibly that affects your energy like tremendously. Would you agree or no?

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Well, and I think I I think also I think how how we're designed to bring it back to just to kind of bring in human design into this is how because I have a defined head and ajna. So I am always looking like and I am in the natural, that's why I'm saying I'm the natural skeptic. Like I I have the gate of doubt, is my conscious son. I am always doubting things, like, and I'm always questioning things. I got I would I got so wrapped up in the questions, and we can do this, right? Like, but I'm it's how I'm designed. I thought it was crazy. I someone with my design might actually feel like they're bipolar. I actually questioned that at one point like, am I bipolar or what the world? Because I have the 3536 channel, which is the gate of which is the channel of crisis, so it's like burn my life down, just oh my god, I gotta send you my my chart. Wow, that's the 3536 in a nutshell. I also have gate 22, which is Moody Judy. So, I mean, there's elements to our design that can help us understand how we grieve differently from people, right? Yeah, but it's also to give us compassion. Like, I'm not, there's nothing wrong with me. This is how I'm designed, this is how God created me. There's nothing to fix.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

So it's been really healing for me to learn about my human design from that lens. So for someone who's experienced death of a loved one by suicide, it doesn't matter what the loss is or how the loss occurred. This method in particular is unique to you and unique to your relationships. It's uh it's uh it's a formula, but it uh it's moldable, like it it's uh individual. It's still individual because your relationship was individual.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Yeah, uh can you give me an example? I'm curious to understand because I'm not uh like when you say you do grief differently, what what do you think?

SPEAKER_02 21:33

That's what I call my program.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Yeah, so do grief differently is this is the tool, is the method.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

So it's working through the unresolved communications, it's working through forgiveness, it's working through apologies. Where do you where do you need to apologize that you never got to, or that you know, if the person's still alive? You don't need to go to someone and say, I forgot. Forgive you, especially someone who's alive. I do not recommend that you go confront someone and tell them you forgive them because if they didn't believe they did something wrong, their response is going to be defensiveness and you're stuck in emotional jail. So that's the beauty about this method, too, is that you don't confront anybody. You don't have to. Like it's it this work is for you. So undelivered communications, um, the significant emotional statements, things that good things, right? We that's energy in our bodies too. Like all like the time that you surprise me with flowers and a date night, and we had the most magical night, like I never told you how much that meant to me and how much I appreciated it. Thank you. That's an emotional communication.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 22:50

How often do we go through a day? And I'm guilty of this. I am not perfect. I'm truly, I just I listened to a podcast not that long ago, and this woman spoke exactly to this, and it's so true. I was reflecting on myself as she was saying it. But how many times do you go through the day? And it's not to have diarrhea of the mouth, it's not to like give voice to everything that you're thinking, right? And as a manifestor, I need to learn to use my voice. That was, you know, I have a I have a throat wound as a manifestor, trust me. So it's it's using my voice more. But how many, how often do we go about throughout our day and we don't actually share with people the things that are coming to our minds that could either be of benefit, that could either help someone feel good, that could either um be honest, emotionally honest for ourselves. Like, I don't like it when you do that. Can you please um moving forward not do that anymore? Um all day, right? Like, yes, um you know, uh what do I want to say? Like, uh, for example, let's say you're at the grocery store and the cashier is just like right now, like not having the best of days. I always try to say I I make up stories. First of all, I'm a story maker upper in my head. So I'll just say, well, you know what? Maybe, maybe they got really bad news this morning and that's their day is just not really going where very well. Or maybe they're going home to a sick dog or a sick parent or a sick child or what have you. Maybe they're just mentally strapped, um, on their, you know, and so it's like if I can think of something, just be kind. If I can just be kind to them, yeah. Um, and not take it, we take so much so personally, no, like it's not an attack on us, yes, and it's not even about us, no, you know how much of that suffering that is unnecessary, yes, because we just take it and internalize it and make it mean something.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

It's true, but it had nothing to do with us, yeah, it is true, you know, and it's like uh I'm doing a challenge right now for this group that I'm in, so it's um that every single day. And I I actually am good at this part is appreciating people and telling them, you know, what it is that I see in them, you know. But one of the things that I would have a harder time with, I'm better at it now, is saying to someone, you know, how I felt when they blah blah blah, right? I felt like I could do that with my husband. It was very easy, like he wouldn't become defensive. We could just talk about it and he didn't take it personally. I wouldn't take it personally either. And that to me is a sweet spot in a relationship. To me, that's like everything to me. But like I've been in situations where I've shared with someone just wasn't even like an attack on them, but all they could hear was an attack on them. And then they become defensive, and then you're guilty, and you should like, you know, and people get trained to not talk because other people become defensive, you know, instead of just having beautiful open communication. Who cares if we're wrong? And we if we hurt someone, it's it's cool to hear about it and then fix it. It doesn't have to be like this crisis, right? So it's I just find, you know, just even the thought of myself even being in a relationship, that is like the number one criteria for me, like that you have that. It's like just a safe harbor that you can just talk, right? Yeah, so I don't know, I think that's so important. I I trailed off.

SPEAKER_02 26:28

Well, and I guess the one thing too that came to my mind too, and I'll I'll mention this because you know, we had mentioned suicide and things like that. And I think particularly men in particular, um, based on what you shared as well, just not that long ago. And I'm not saying this person's suicidal, but I could tell definitely that someone this person was unwell. Yeah, like they were unwell, like they're physically, their energy, I just I could just and I checked in on them and I was just like, you know, I I couldn't help but notice today that you you seem unwell. And um, I you know, I'm not going to tell you to, you know, maybe go to a doctor, but I would I would encourage you to take care of yourself that and I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you, and yeah, and it opened up this dialogue between us, and the first thing he the very first thing this person said was, thank you for noticing.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Yes, yes. Don't we all want to just be noticed, seen, understood, right? Yes, it's very important. Do you think when you start to do this work, you know, like um, because like what I was saying about the solar plexus, like getting like now, like it's been years since since this has happened. So, do you think that um you can like even as you're doing start to do this work and notice where your your energy is disorganized or incoherent? Like, do you think you can get more tired or you have more symptoms during that process? Do you think that that happens until it's like cleared out?

SPEAKER_02 28:05

Yeah, yeah, actually, you can have a detox.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 28:09

You can have an energetic detox. It is more common for people who are um overweight who experience energy healing to have more of a detox. Interesting. But um, you know, and for clients that have come to me for several sessions or even years, um, it's sometimes people come to me and they're coming for energy healing. We end up doing grief recovery, and that's that's happened a few times. But um it really is like a peeling of the layers, the onion. And so every session it's like we get a little more and a little more and a little more. There's one fork, it's the 144 hertz. We I call it the emotional grinder. It typically does not come up early on because especially if someone who's brand new to energy healing, because their body just is not ready to receive that yet. It I trust that you're gonna receive whatever it is you your body is open to receiving, that you receive exactly what you receive. And for some people, it's very subtle. Like you might not even really have unless you have some level of awareness, right? Like, oh, I usually respond this way. And this time it was different. Like I didn't have this exaggerated reaction like I normally did, like because maybe because you're you were grounded, you were centered and grounded. Um session I just had recently, I just had this sense or this feeling like this person was just floating, like they were just kind of floating, their energy was just like they weren't connected here and they weren't connected down here. It was just like they were just like floating, and and it what came up was and the forks to be used were all weighted and it was on the body. And I'm like, this is interesting. I'd never had that happen before um in this way, and particularly with this client. And and it was like what came up though was like get in the body. This is we're working on embodying now, and do whatever can't you can to support yourself in the meantime, in between sessions to get in the body. So, like chigang or yoga or breath work, um, things that bring you into the body.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:27

Uh, so yeah, it's always very different. Every session is different.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

Um, that's what I was gonna ask you because uh, you know, for the lay person, if someone, you know, it could be that they just wouldn't understand like what energy healing is in like the energy healing and then um grief recovery work and then the other things, and also being uh a doula, you know, end-of-life doula, I would, you know, I'd be curious about that as well. You know, I have so many things I want to ask you.

SPEAKER_02 30:57

Well, I can answer that quickly because I hadn't done anything with it because um at the time, so my father passed away in the nursing home.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:06

Um, and my mom just couldn't take care of him at home anymore. And my sister was 18 at the time, and a lot of responsibility fell on her. But um I got the training, but I wasn't sure what I was gonna do with it. And living so rural, I was like, yeah, and I wanted to like volunteer with organizations and stuff, but I thought I had to live where these organizations were. Yeah, I only recently found out that that is not true. That this one organization serves pretty much our entire state, um, across the state. And so, yeah, as of now, I am I'm have one more step or a couple more steps, and I will be a hospice volunteer. Oh wow, that's why I'm just now moving into and I think it's timing, right? Like I think I'm just I'm ready for that now.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

You know what's so funny? Yeah, what I honestly there was a I was like, you know what? I'm gonna run a 5k. And I looked online, and the one that I saw that was right in my area, it was for hospice and um visiting nurses, hospice, and I I just did it last Saturday. So it was just so isn't that funny? No, and it was not, it wasn't like it was a big thing, like, oh, I'm like this major runner, but I'm I'm just saying, like I was like, Oh, I'm gonna do something different. So I was gonna do that, and it it just can't, and I don't think any of this is a coincidence, you know, that we're talking about hospice or whatever. I wouldn't, I would have ran anything if it was for like, I don't know, anything. So tell tell us like anything, what would you say to someone right now who I'm changing what I'm gonna ask. I just shifted in the middle because I realized what I just have to I would need to draw attention to. You mentioned that there's nothing to fix. So that is the message that I have now that I have been getting that there's nothing to fix, right? Within us, and that we go inward and embrace whatever, whatever is in there, and because love is the answer, like to go in that energy of love, right? It's healing. So now it's interesting because most people feel like they have something that's wrong with them and they need to fix. And when they're feeling out of sorts or whatever, I my first thought is, what's wrong with me? Right. It's always like that. Yes. So any way you could encourage someone, even who's people who are having like, I know there are people who could be listening here who are having thoughts that they want to die, like, and they feel like there's something essentially wrong with them, and that no one loves them, because that is what they say in these comments. So, what would you say to someone thinking that, feeling that, or the like?

SPEAKER_02 34:04

Well, I will mention as a projector, yes, you see what could be better all around you. Like that's how you're designed. So I have no no doubt that that's that's the that's the pressure you put on yourself. So I'll say that.

SPEAKER_01 34:20

Wow. Wait a minute, that is the pressure. That is my pressure. I see every fucking everything that should need to be fixed.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

Even with yourself, yeah. Yes, you're turning it in on yourself, that energy you're turning in on yourself. That's not helpful for you.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

The other thing I would say is, and what I would say to your question is that um what came up to me like just like that was that the fastest way that we get out of our own bubble of what is happening in our own lives and with ourselves is we help someone else. Um use your hands, use your voice, give yourself just challenge yourself. I'm gonna I'm gonna go volunteer for what 30 minutes today. 30 minutes. I'm gonna go to a soup kitchen and I'm gonna go volunteer. I guarantee you, during that 30 minutes, you will not be thinking about yourself. You will not be concerned with your problems, you will not be thinking about your despair and your sorrow. It's impossible when you're helping other people. But if you just start doing that little by little and and like a plant, treat yourself like a plant, nourish with food, with water, with sunlight, the basics that God gave us our plants that we're no different, right? When I have been feeling at my lowest, that is when my self-care went completely in the toilet. And I understand that, I get that. Like you just do not have the energy to even care for yourself. And some days you think it just might be easier for me to not be here. I struggle with postpartum. I didn't tell a soul. Wow, I imagine cars hitting me and just taking me out. Yeah, that's the first time I ever said that on a podcast.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Thank you for sharing it. I understand, I relate to that.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

And uh I'll come back to grief.

SPEAKER_00 36:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

What are you what is it that you are afraid to look at? Um, and I'll say that the worst has already happened. The worst has already happened. What do you have to lose to take care of yourself and care for those around you and give back. Um I've just seen it with people in my life too, my mom in particular, when when she's getting when she's in a she's a projector, actually. Is she? Yeah, and when she because her favorite line, this might resonate with you, her favorite line to me growing up was you can do what you want, but if I were you. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:27

Because you always know that you always know like it's she just craves to be asked for her advice, right? Like it's just like life-giving for her. Like no one ever listens to me.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

That's cute. That's cute.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

Yeah, but it's a gift, right? That's a gift that you have. And we all have gifts. And I think the more that we oh drop the backpack of rocks that we carry, the more we are able to recognize those gifts that we are here to serve a purpose, that we do have a purpose. And it doesn't have to be grandiose. It doesn't, and I always thought like I'm here to like change the world. And in here, I'm now it's like I could die tomorrow. And the biggest accomplishment I feel I've I have now is my kids. They I I know, I feel in my bones that if I died tomorrow, the heads on their shoulders would get them through life, they would be okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

That's beautiful. Yeah, it's nice.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

Could the me seven years ago say that?

SPEAKER_01 38:33

No. Yeah. Beautiful. I wanna um I just want to ask you a summary question. Uh final question is what haven't I asked you that you wish I asked you?

SPEAKER_02 39:01

You asked such good questions. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Um, I feel like I've said a lot. Um very, very just golden nuggets all throughout. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Yeah, I just I don't feel like that. I don't I feel complete, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 39:17

I love it. I've done my job. That's wonderful. That's good. So um I every single thing that you do um is gonna be in the show notes, but I would love for you to be able to uh tell people where they can find you, what services you can offer to them, how you can help them. And also, there's a thing that you told me. Um, I have to find it on my paper, about where is it? It is about um, oh, and I'm gonna have it in the show notes too, but reasons to stay.org, where people can write in for other people who may want to die that day. Anyone can randomly write in there a letter to a person who does want to die and tell them the reasons that they believe they could should stay. Right? Did I say it correctly?

SPEAKER_02 40:15

Yeah, yeah. Beautiful project. A gentleman started after um he lost his brother to suicide. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

So it's incredible. Yes. So tell us where they can find you and all of that.

SPEAKER_02 40:27

Yeah, my website's the the has the links to all the things, the unleashedheart.com. Uh, I have a ton of free resources for uh postpart or like baby loss, infant loss. Um, I've got you know, pet loss. I have a pet loss program, uh, pet loss PDF. It's free. Um, a lot of free resources. Then I have some guided meditations um that I do as well. I'm gonna be, I want to create more like some with tuning forks, yes, frequencies. So that's my plan to do that. Um, what else? Do grief differently. That's my one-on-one work. Um I'm I'm hoping to get a group going for grief recovery. Um and then also I'm working on um a like a toolkit for those who want to support a griever. It's speaking to exactly what you said at the beginning, like you don't know what to say, you don't know how to show up, so you don't do nothing. Well, this is this is like your go-to uh resource for that, and then also a toolkit for grievers. I'm working on that as well, and then um a podcast that I plan to launch this fall, which is going to be um where I will hold conversations with the elderly and those who have a terminal illness. So whether it's a child or an adult, um because um they are the wisdom keepers.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

Yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 41:56

That's what the class is called, the wisdom keepers. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Yeah, I will. So thank you so much. You're such um a light, and I'm so grateful to have met you. I feel like we're fast friends now, whether you like it or not. And um I just um I just encourage everyone to if you have questions, uh any any questions you have for Victoria, you can you can leave them in the comments and please like, subscribe, and all of that. And you can and really like if you need it, seems like basically any kind of help, honestly. It doesn't matter. This is your woman to go to. I mean, I don't know. It's not like you have to like, you know, have a specific and we don't have problems anyhow. There's nothing to fix. So have a youngest woman that doesn't know what's the shit, go to her. That's it. Just go to her. Okay, that's it. So without anybody, what would you say? I can meet you where you are. She will, for sure. I'm gonna help help my solo. Okay, it's there.